Beyoncé and Jay-Z Announce Birth of Sextuplets


LAS VEGAS, Nevada – 

Singer Beyoncé and her husband, entertainment mogul Jay-Z, officially announced the birth of their children yesterday, surprising the world by releasing a photo of sextuplets.

“We are extremely happy to welcome to the family our SIX NEW BABIES!” said Beyoncé in an instagram post, accompanied by a picture of the little ones, which she said are all happy and healthy. “We are so #blessed.”

The names of the children have not been released, but Jay-Z said in a social media post that all the babies and mom are “doing great.”

New Jay-Z Streaming Service ‘Tidal’ to Fulfill Goal of Making More Money for Jay-Z

New Jay-Z Streaming Service 'Tidal' to Fulfill Goal of Making More Money for Jay-Z

MIAMI, Florida – 

New music service, Tidal, has prided itself as being the first artist owned music streaming service. Sean “Jay-Z” Carter is the most prominent name on the list of owners, and reportedly the man who brought the service to popularity amongst other performers. The goal of the service is to make more money for Jay-Z and his brand.

“I make music. I love music. I make money. I love money,” said Jay-Z. “Therefore it makes sense to use this excellent service to pursue those things I love.”

Other names signed on as owners include Carter’s wife Beyonce, Rihanna, Kanye West and Madonna. And although their goals differ slightly from Carter’s, they’re all in it for a similar reason.

“I want to make money for Kanye West,” West is quoted as saying.

“I intend to make more millions for my brand,” Rihanna stated.

“Madonna needs more money. Madonna will get more money,” said Madonna.

Fans of the artists have announced that they are ready and willing to give their money to their favorite celebrities.

“I love giving money to Beyonce,” said fan Halle Coozen. “I’m always looking for new ways to do so, and this is just perfect. Just perfect!”

But cynics are criticizing Carter and company, saying that there are already enough ways to give them money, and Tidal will only detract from the integrity of those mediums.

“iTunes is a great way to pay artists and their labels,” said analyst Mansford Manfred. “I just think Tidal will mean that money that would be going through that channel will be channeled differently. It’s confusing for me. And I don’t want that to compromise my ability to pay the stars I love!”

Beyoncé Announces Departure From Music Business

Beyoncé Announces Departure From Music Business

LOS ANGELES, California – 

After losing Best Album at this year’s Grammy’s, Beyoncé has announced she intends to quit music.

As stated to EntertainUs News, “Everyone is gonna think it’s because that honkey Beck stole my Grammy. I couldn’t care less. I’ve been planning to leave music for a while now. I had really wanted to end my career on a high note, and when I won the award I planned to make the announcement, but I guess my album just wasn’t good enough.”

When asked if she appreciated Kanye’s show of support, her answer was surprising. “That whole bunch is two-faced. After the show, Kim [Kardashian] gave me a nasty look and told me to stay away from her man. Like I wanted that fool to jump onstage on my behalf?! I think she’s threatened because my booty is all natural. Enough with the drama, though. I don’t need Kanye defending me at every turn anymore. It’s time to just back away. Between Kanye West, the Illuminati rumors, and all the memes of my face looking like Tina Turner on crack, it’s time to just take a break. A permanent break.”

What’s next for the star? “Jay wants me to be home more, bake apple pies, that kinda thing.  I hate to disappoint my fans, but I’m looking forward to some long overdue rest and relaxation, with my face out of the tabloids. Maybe in a few years I’ll see what Mike Myers is up to, and we can have a go at another Austin Powers movie or something.”


Beyonce Releases Surprise Album of Herself, Jay-Z Singing Lullabies to Blue Ivy

Beyonce Releases Surprise Album of Herself, Jay-Z Singing Lullabies to Blue Ivy


MIAMI, Florida – 

Fans of Beyonce were over the moon when, in December 2013, she released her surprise self-titled album. It went on to garner critical acclaim, with singles like “Drunk In Love” and “Flawless” considered among her best.

Early this morning, in collaboration with husband Sean “Jay-Z” Carter, Queen B suddenly dropped her latest release, “Bedtime With Blue.” It’s an experimental album that’s set to turn the music world on its head.

“Each track consists of a lullaby sung by me or Sean to Blue Ivy,” Beyonce explained. “After every song there is a few seconds recorded of Blue’s sounds and words.”

The implications of this is that Blue Ivy is credited on every composition. Already in 2012, the then 2-day-old’s cries were featured on Jay-Z’s hit, Glory, making her the youngest person ever to appear on a Billboard chart. Critics suggest that the popstar couple are attempting with this album to shoot their daughter to early stardom, accusations which Beyonce’s publicity team have swiftly denied.

“I think everyone can hear from the first single that this is far more than a publicity stunt,” said agent Zoe Jensen. “The family’s performance of “Rockabye Baby” [the first single released from the album] is revolutionary. To take a classic like that, sung by the best voice of our generation, with a rap by Jay-Z about himself, splitting the third verse and final chorus, is something that’s never been done. It will bring back childhood memories, giving you a glimpse of the success of the beloved couple in the process.”

The pair, who have for years kept their relationship and their daughter from the public eye, released a joint statement explaining their shift.

“We owe it to our fans to hear what goes on in our house at night,” they said, “if only for the reason that it’s something no one else will ever be able to replicate. We get to experience the joy of our voices combining in serenading the most important being in our lives, but the proletariat has always had to settle for their own toneless rendition of uninteresting tunes. Now, not only do they get to enjoy our talents, but their children get to grow up knowing what they can aspire to, always aware that it’s beyond their reach.”

Jay-Z Buys LA Dodgers, Plans On Moving Them Back To Brooklyn For 2015 Season

LOS ANGELES, California – Jay-Z Buys LA Dodgers, Plans On Moving Them Back To Brooklyn For 2015 Season

The battle for MLB in Los Angeles is over, as it looks as though the Angels will soon be the only LA team. Rapper and media mogul Jay Z and his Rockafella Investment Group have bought the Los Angeles Dodgers, and word is he’s bringing them back home to Brooklyn for the 2015 season.

“It all came together beautifully,” said Jay-Z, real name Shawn Carter. ”I already own Washington Park, home of the Brooklyn Cyclones. Dodger Stadium suffered just enough damage in a minor November earthquake to make it unsafe, and the Dodgers were a steal at just $2 billion. Washington Park is a little small, but it will be a nice intimate setting until I can build something bigger. I’m going to have my babygirl Beyonce sing the National Anthem on opening day! Hell I may have her sing it every time we’re there. The Brooklyn Dodgers are back home where they belong, it’s a beautiful thing!” 

”I love New York and it’s going to be great to be back again,” said Brooklyn Dodgers Manager Don Mattingly. “I know the players are looking forward to it, and a happy team equals a winning team, for sure, so it’s going to be a great season. Playing in a minor league park is going to be like old-time baseball, and Jay-Z is going to be great to play for.” 

“This is a freaking Christmas miracle,” said Brooklyn resident Carmine Classi. ”Oh, I’m sorry I don’t want to piss off Mr. Politically Correct Mayor De Blasio, so it’s  a freaking holiday miracle, whatever. Either way, this is the best day of my life. God bless the Brooklyn Dodgers and God bless Jay-Z!”


Jay-Z May Have Cheated on Beyoncé With Oprah Winfrey, Says Sister Solange Knowles

NEW YORK, New York – Jay-Z May Have Had Affair With Oprah Winfrey, Says Beyonce's Sister Solange Knowles

Last May the entertainment industry was rocked by Solange Knowles’ now infamous elevator attack on hip-hop icon Shawn Carter, known by fans by his stage name Jay Z. Knowles, the sister of tremendously popular and highly respected R&B singer and Carter’s spouse, Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, was caught via security camera footage attacking Jay-Z in an elevator at a Met Gala after-party.

Surveillance video footage showed Solange, also an R&B singer, yelling at Carter and wildly attacking him physically as she punched and kicked at him. The video made its way to public eye thanks to celebrity gossip website TMZ, and it immediately went viral. In the months since the incident, no reason has ever been clearly given on why Jay Z’s sister-in-law went to the extreme to attack him in front of Beyoncé and a security guard. This past weekend at the MTV Video Music Awards, Jay-Z and daughter Blue Ivy were seated in separate sections as Beyoncé performed at the event. Despite the family of three gathering on stage after an emotional performance by Beyoncé, the fact that Solange was seated so far away from the family raised speculation even more.

Yesterday Solange decided to come clean and tell the world why the incident occurred, and why she wants nothing to do with Jay-Z.

“He is a lying, no good, unfaithful playa, and I busted him. I know now that he had been sleeping with another woman; I had suspected it for a long time and then I finally began to notice that he and Oprah Winfrey had been spending a lot of time together. I didn’t think anything of it at first, she didn’t seem like his type and vice-versa. I had a friend-of-a-friend look into his comings and goings around the country, and found out the two were meeting secretly at various hotels in Chicago and Manhattan. They always got separate rooms, but that doesn’t mean a thing. It’s very fishy. I was shocked to find out that Shawn was cheating on my sister, such a beautiful, amazing woman. And with Oprah? Don’t get me wrong, she is  an amazing woman, but her beauty faded long ago, don’t you think”

Solange says that she wishes that Beyoncé had never married Jay-Z, and she expected the worst right from the beginning.

“I have always had the highest amount of respect for Oprah, but never much for Shawn [Jay-Z]. I have slightly changed my mind about Oprah since discovering what my investigative work has unearthed. It made me feel sick inside and I just wanted to beat [Jay-Z] down after I found out. So when we were finally all together that night in the elevator, I confronted him, he called me a selfish, non-talented bitch. I just went crazy. It really hurt, it hurt badly.”

The allegations are sure to create quite a wild stir in the wild world of American entertainment and its publications. Attempts to contact the management of Oprah Winfrey, who is 60-years-old and one of the richest women in the world, went unacknowledged. However, a call to the office of  Jay Z’s Roc-A-Fella Entertainment was replied to in a voice message from Carter himself, where he simply said, “I got 99 problems but Oprah ain’t one.” No further comment was given. Beyoncé has not spoken about her sisters allegations, except to say that Jay-Z definitely liked it, and the ring he put on it isn’t going anywhere.

Jay-Z Collaborates With Avenged Sevenfold Guitarist, Ex-Slipknot Drummer On New Metal Project

NEW YORK CITY, New York – empire-news-jay-z-collaborates-with-synster-gates-jordinson-new-metal-album

He has sold over 75 million records, won 17 Grammy Awards, he is a certified agent in Major League Baseball and the National Football League, operates Roc Nation Music Group, owns a clothing line and is married to the one and only Beyonce. His net-worth is believed to be somewhere in the $500 million dollar range. So what exactly can Jay-Z do that he has never done? Whatever he wants.

Sunday afternoon in a brief press release by his newly acquired publicist, Shannon Pryor, it was announced that Jay-Z has been collaborating with rockers such as guitarist Synyster Gates (Avenged Sevenfold) and drummer Joey Jordison (ex-Slipknot, Scar The Martyr, Murderdolls) and the trio will release an album in early 2015.

During Friday’s briefing in Manhattan, Pryor announced that Jay-Z was extremely excited about the project and described the upcoming album by saying “Extreme metal with an aggressive flow”. The album, not yet titled, will also feature various rockers such as Deftones vocalist Chino Moreno, Tool vocalist Maynard James Keenan, and…wait for it… the one and only Ozzy Osbourne. The album will be produced by iconic music producer Rick Rubin who has worked with Jay-Z in the past on several occasions, while also producing ground-breaking efforts by the Beastie Boys, Slayer, Johnny Cash, Slipknot, Eminem, and even Adele.

“Rap and metal have been done, meshed into super-sonic artistry of mixed hardcore musical cultures,  but never quite like this.” Pryor said. “Just because he is one of the greatest rappers of all time does not necessarily mean he will be rapping on the album. We believe that fans will be pleasantly shocked upon the albums release, until then, material previously written and recorded, will be tightly kept under wraps. It is an exciting venture and Jay-Z and Roc Nation cannot wait for the albums groundbreaking release in early 2015.”

Fans have taken to the internet by storm, Tweeting and posting about this intriguing mashup. A game changing hip-hop artist working with heavy metal icons on a not-necessarily-generic-rap-metal effort. One thing we do know, is when Jay-Z does something, he does it big. Love him or hate him, the man has power and major influence in today’s modern American and International music culture. Even if the people do not love the music and strange new vocal approach by Jay-Z, one thing is certain, and that is the project will sell, and it will sell big. Seemingly a win/win situation for all involved.

So far, everyone involved has been tight-lipped on a release date, but inside sources are saying the album could be released as soon as October.

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