Earlier this month, an 80-year-old, homeless, white-bearded man was found deceased under an overpass in San Diego, California. Nobody knew the man’s name, but friends referred to him as Jessie, so investigators decided to try DNA testing with hopes that something would pop up in the nationwide DNA database. What popped up on the computer screen in the high-tech lab stunned everyone. The DNA results of ‘Jessie Doe’ were an exact match to the one and only, Elvis Aaron Presley.
Lab technician Robert Brensdale said he and his lab assistant, Madeline Hedgespeth, laughed when the name popped up. “We thought somebody, somewhere, somehow in the system pulled the greatest and most elaborate prank on us ever, we both laughed with hysteria for about an hour,” Bresndale told Jerry Hardin of the Hollywood Word, a new entertainment publication based out of Los Angeles.
Brensdale and Hedgespeth then went to their superior with laughter, as if he were the one behind this “prank”. They were told to simmer down and stay quiet, that this was no laughing matter. From there, the results went up the ladder to the FBI and CIA.
Now, weeks later, FBI spokesperson Philip Hunter has revealed that the deceased man’s body was actually the body of Elvis Presley, who had been in the witness protection program since 1977.
“Mr. Presley was placed in the program under a voluntary basis. He was not a witness to any crime or anything like that. Once he had met President Nixon, the two became great friends, and Mr. Presley wanted out of his life, he wanted to be an unknown, so President Nixon made this possible. Yes, it is official – Elvis Presley was really alive all that time, and only a handful of people knew it, most of which are no longer with us.
Superstar singer Miley Cyrus, on a break between tour dates, has been hospitalized after an apparent overdose on what is believed to be a near fatal combination of sugar and caffeine, publicist Michelle Plasko revealed to the Associated Press this morning.
“Miley needs help, and we feel that coming forward with this information was something we needed to do in order to reach out to her fans, friends, and family,” Plasko stated. “Sure, she dabbled with recreational drugs for a couple of years, but what kid doesn’t try some pot growing up? She’s quit all that stuff, but now, she’s addicted to candy, soda, and coffee. I mean, she eats so many Sour Patch Kids each day, she’s starting to lose sensation in her tongue.”
Earlier this year, Cyrus cancelled several tour dates and made several trips to hospitals for what was mostly described as bad reactions to medications, such as antibiotics. When asked if those episodes were actually related to Cyrus’s sugar abuse, Plasko stated that “the past was the past.”
“We would like to focus on today and the future,” said Plasko. “Previous episodes may or may not have been related to the fact that she drinks 5 or 6 2-liter bottles of RC Cola every day. I can’t comment on that. What I will say is that Miley is a very young woman, and the lifestyle has really caught up to her extremely fast. We ask everyone to please be understanding as we look for way to pull her from the deep, dark hole on confections that she has put herself in.”
When asked if Cyrus is planning to continue her touring and other artistic endeavors, Cyrus’ father, Billy Ray, replied by saying the artist plans on fulfilling every commitment she has made.
“Miley will make good on every tour date that is planned,” said Billy Ray Cyrus. “Yes, she needs help for her fiendish ways, but it is more important that she gives her fans what they want, first and foremost. If she needs to bump a couple lines of Pixy-Stix to make it through a concert, then that’s what will have to happen. When all of this is over, then we can try to talk her into getting help. But for now, all that matters is her performance and living up to those standards.”
According to his record label, country superstar Luke Bryan has cancelled several recently announced dates on his upcoming ‘Kick Up The Dust’ tour. Manager John Deere say that Bryan is ‘too distraught’ to perform because he has experienced ‘severe loss,’ in the form of a rip in his favorite pair of blue jeans.
“This was not my kind of night, not at all,” said Bryan. “I was Doin’ My Thing you know – Drinkin’ Beer and Wastin’ Bullets. I like to do that during Harvest Time. Anyhow, I slipped down a muddy hill and ripped the crotch right out of my favorite pair of blue jeans! Man, I can’t even tell you how much of a Buzzkill it was. Those blue jeans are my signature trademark!
According to his record label, Bryan plans to push back the tour dates until a time when he is able to find a pair of jeans the comfortable replace his old ones.
“These were obviously not a good buy. I’ll stick with Levis next time,” said Bryan. “I know I’m going to disappoint a couple of fans, but they know that I’ll come around and Play It Again sometime soon. I’m a Country Man through-and-through, and I won’t let anything completely Crash My Party. Roller Coaster.”
Marshall Bruce Mathers III, best known by his stage name Eminem, took to the streets of Detroit, Michigan last week on what he said was “a mission from God.” His plan was to find a complete stranger and give him or her a check for a whopping one million dollars. The 42-year-old rap icon followed through with the quest when he presented a homeless man, Raymond “Pops” Clark, 52, with that check.
According to witnesses, Mathers, worth an estimated $130 million, was walking down Woodward Avenue in downtown Detroit with bodyguards when he saw Clark, a black man with a white beard, and only wearing one shoe, who was pushing a shopping cart while collecting aluminum cans. Mathers stopped the man and talked with him for a while, then gave him the check. Michelle Grisdale, a resident who lives in a nearby apartment saw the whole thing.
“I couldn’t believe it, Eminem was right there and talking to Pops,” Grisdale said. “Then he just gave him a check for a million dollars, just like that. It happened about two days ago, and the whole block has been partying ever since.”
According to the neighborhood, they have been keeping Pops happy, with the local Detroit salesman providing him with everything he could ever need.
“Pops been buying booze, weed, coke, crack, cola, molly, meth, blue and yellow purple pills – just whatever he wants, he buys,” said Detroit resident Geoffrey Jones. “It’s been one big ass, cray-cray party on this block ever since Em was here. Pops has been buying spreading the love with the neighborhood, too. He bought chicken and biscuits from Popeye’s for the whole block. It was Goddamn nice of him, too. We love that old bastard around here. Well, we do now that he’s got money, anyway.”
The rapper was asked about his good deed during a recent radio interview on WKFD radio in Detroit, and he said it was the least he could do for the community.
“Well, I know what it’s like, ya know? I’m a product of the streets, of that community, ya know? So yeah, I hooked an old dude up, told him to buy some shoes, enjoy himself a bit. Get off the streets. I hope he’s using the money wisely. A million dollars – man, that could set him up for life if he does shit right.”
According to Pops, though, most of the money is already gone.
“I’ve got about $84 dollars left,” said Pops. “It was a really great 34 hours or so, though. Best time I’ve ever had in my life.”
While being interviewed by WKYL-FM Los Angeles radio talk show host Jenny McIntyre, actor and musician Jared Leto made a shocking statement when asked about obsessed fans. “Justin Bieber is my most obsessed fan, by far. Of all the guys who look up to me and the girls that are into me, Bieber is the worst. That dude will not leave me alone,” Leto said during the interview.
McIntyre laughed, assuming that Leto was just joking, but Leto said he was very serious, and has been trying for months to get Bieber to stop texting him.
“No, I am as serious as a heart attack. We met literally one time, and I gave him my number and was like ‘hey, we should hang out, get some drinks sometime.’ I guess he took it the wrong way,” Leto said. “So ever since then, he calls me at least three or four times a day. I don’t answer, so he texts. There have been a few days where he’s sent me over 200 texts or pictures.”
The star, known for films such as Requiem For a Dream and The Dallas Buyers Club (which earned him his first Oscar), is also the frontman for alternative rock outfit 30 Seconds To Mars. He said that he was just trying to be polite when he met Bieber at a concert last year, and didn’t think the pop singer would even contact him.
“When he did text me the first time, I really was going to hang out with him,” said Leto. “It was just that our schedules didn’t line up, and I told him we would get it together eventually. I think he took that completely the wrong way, though. He started sending me pictures through snapchat. I’m a very progressive guy, but there are some things I really don’t want to see; If I wanted to check out Justin’s little Bieber, I’d Google it just like any normal teenage girl or sexually frustrated housewife.”
Bieber, who has been hounded by the media ever since Leto’s interview went viral, said that he doesn’t even know who Jared Leto is, but that it’s very possible he’s sent him nude pics, because he “sends them to everyone.”
Vladimir Kershov, publicist of R&B singer Bruno Mars, has been fired today after he revealed a shocking secret regarding the pop and R&B singer. Kershov leaked private information that revealed that Michael Jackson is Mars’ biological father.
In a statement emailed to news and media outlets across the world, Kershov revealed that he was told by the singer that DNA testing had proven that Jackson, known across the world as the King of Pop, was without a doubt his biological father. After pleading with Mars, born under the name Peter Hernandez, to go public with the revelation, Mars refused to do so. Kershov insisted that it be made known to the public, and that the news would catapult the singer’s fame and boost record sales. Mars remained adamant that the information not be released. According to Kershov, he then took it upon himself and emailed the shocking news to media sources all over the world.
“DNA testing has proven that Michael Jackson is the biological father of Bruno Mars,” Kershov said in the statement. “Against his wishes, I have decided to relay this message for the greater good and betterment of Bruno’s life and extravagant music career.”
In a statement released by Mars’ new publicist, Jacqueline Pryor, it has been announced that Kershov was immediately fired by the singer, and may seek legal action against his former publicist. “The job of a publicist is indeed to better the career of their clients by persuading them to take part in things that cause their popularity to grow, however, the client must trust their publicist. The artist has the final say, no matter what.”
When asked about the validity of Kershov’s statement, Pryor surprisingly made it clear that the information is accurate. “It is true. Doesn’t mean he was right in saying so, but it is true. When it comes to 29-year-old Bruno Mars, Michael Jackson is the father!”
During an interview with a BBC News affiliate earlier this week, 67-year-old O.J. Simpson shockingly confessed – not to the murders of Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ron Goldman, but to the shooting death of deceased, iconic rap superstar Tupac Shakur, who was shot multiple times in a drive-by shooting on September 7, 1996, and died six days later.
Peter Reddington, a BBC journalist, traveled to Lovelock, Nevada earlier this month for a special one-on-one interview with O.J. Simpson at Lovelock Correctional Center, the prison in which Simpson is serving a thirty-three year sentence for crimes of robbery and kidnapping he committed in 2007.
“The interview was going as well as could be expected,” Reddington said. “I began to prod at the ol’ boy about whether or not he killed Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman. At first he just sat there, like a lost boy on his bum, silent and mysteriously.” Redding said that it was shortly after those questions when Simpson began to get very talkative.
“He looked at me intently for several minutes, then out of nowhere he said, ‘I’ll tell you who I killed. it wasn’t Nicole and it wasn’t Ron Goldman. I shot Tupac that night in Las Vegas! It was me!’ I was absolutely flabbergasted and asked him if he was yanking my chain. He then got very angry, and said he wasn’t proud of it but he did it. He looked me right in the eye and said he had lost several thousand dollars because he had bet that Bruce Seldon would defeat Mike Tyson in their boxing match, he said that he was embarrassed because Tyson won by a first round knockout in less than two minutes, and that he and Shakur had somewhat of a feud earlier in the night.”
Simpson explained how he followed Shakur and rapper Suge Knight as they left a Las Vegas casino. “I followed the two thugs, I figured I’d do the planet a favor by taking out those wanna-be gangsters. Yes, I did it. That’s the only person I’ve ever killed. I didn’t hurt Ron or Nicole at all. On the other hand, you can read all about how I would have killed my wife in my book, If I Did It, available now through Amazon and at bookstores everywhere.”
Simpson is currently serving a thirty-three year sentence with possibility of parole in 2017. Las Vegas police have decided no to re-opened the Shakur investigation, saying that it’s ‘not possible’ that Simpson actually committed the crime, but would give no further details.
Taylor Swift, the biggest name in pop and country at the moment shocked fans, promoters and the entire music industry today when she cancelled her world tour. Swift announced in a statement that ‘there’s nothing more important than education,’ and she plans on attending college starting this January in time for the spring semester.
“I hope my fans support my decision, I’m not the first star to put a career on hold,” said Swift. “Jodie Foster went to Yale, Natalie Portman went to Harvard, and Emma Watson went to Brown. If they could put their careers on hold to get an education, so can I. As a role model to millions of young girls, I feel it’s my duty to show the importance of education. So I’ll be going to a little school in Boston that maybe some of you have heard of, to pursue my life long dream.”
According to Swift and her management, going to school is the only thing that’s kept her back from becoming the biggest musician of all-time, as opposed to just one of the biggest musicians of all-time.
“Because I want to live this dream, today I am proud to announce I was accepted to Boston’s Medford Community College School of Dog Grooming. I will be starting this January, for a grueling 6 months of courses to achieve my certificate, but I know with the support of God and my fans, I can do it. I want to let my fellow students know even though I may be the only one going to a commuter school in a limo, I’m just a regular down-home country girl at heart.”
“I’m really, really sad that she’s not going to be singing anymore,” said Amy Anderson, a 12-year-old fan. “6 months is like a lifetime away from making music, but I’m happy for her. Well I’m more sad for me than happy for her. I don’t know how I feel. My Mom and Dad are both doctors, and they wanted me to be a doctor. I wanted to be a singer like Taylor, but now I guess I want to be a dog groomer like Taylor.”
On Wednesday, the New York Parole Board denied the parole of Mark David Chapman for the eighth time for the 1980 murder of music icon and former Beatles member John Lennon. Early this morning, in an unprecedented move, the board decided to reverse their decision, and in a shocking turn of events and subsequently granted Chapman parole effective immediately. The decision came after an impromptu meeting was called by unnamed government official who chastised the parole board for showing “poor judgement” and “holding a celebrity in a higher standard than that of the average American citizen,” New York corrections officials said.
New York Corrections spokesperson Glenn Abernathy told the Associated Press in a brief statement the reasons for the reversal.
Mark David Chapman in 2013.
“After further consideration, we decided to grant Mr. Chapman parole. It was made clear to us by outside forces that the murder of a celebrity should not mean a longer sentence than what is typically given. In 2013, a total of 116 inmates who were found guilty of murder were released from prison after serving less than a 10-year sentence. Mr. Chapman has served nearly 33 years, more than 3-times that amount. Also, he was cleared as mentally competent many years ago, meaning that there was no reason to deny his parole in the first place.” said Abernathy. “[Chapman] said after his initial arrest that he had plans to murder Johnny Carson, Elizabeth Taylor, Walter Cronkite, Marlon Brando, and Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, and that John Lennon was just the easiest to find. Well, everyone else he planned to kill is dead now anyway, so it was decided that he was no longer a threat to anyone else.”
“The parole board are made up of old fogies,” said Jerome David, a self-professed ‘super-fan’ of Chapman. “They denied him parole at every opportunity because they were fans of Lennon, of the Beatles, growing up. So they look at him, and they see someone who helped destroy their youth. That isn’t fair to [Chapman]. He deserves to be freed just like every other murderer they set free. The Beatles are a forgotten memory, anyway. Who really cares about them or John Lennon anymore? It’s not the 60s. Personally, I’ll be waiting at the gates to wave as they drive [Chapman] out!”
According to Abernathy, there was a decision made by the federal court system, calling the meeting with the purpose of reviewing the decision handed down on Wednesday by the parole board. It was then declared that the parole board did not have legitimate reasoning in denying the parole. The main issue discussed in the 3-hour meeting cited the fact that celebrities should not be given special treatment when the United States judicial system is involved, whether they are criminally involved or the victim.
“The United States average sentence for convicted murderers is between 13 and 16 years,” Abernathy told the New York Associated Press. “Chapman was sentenced to twenty-years to life in 1981, with a stipulation that mental health treatment be provided. “Mr. Chapman initially did not want to be released, due to his comfort within the system. However, at approximately 6:30 am this morning, he was given $200 cash and his copy of the book Catcher In The Rye, which he had when he was caught at the scene of the murder, and was given instructions to move into a half-way housing unit, which at this time will not be named.”
In an interview earlier this week, Chapman told ABC News that if released he would try to stay, anyway. “I’m so bonded that I could probably assure you that, if released, I’d probably stay right where I’m at,” Chapman said. “You know, once you stand on a rock for 20 years and feel the waves on you and you don’t go anywhere because you’re on a rock, you don’t want to move.”
Corrections officials at Wende Corrections Facility in Alden, New York, where Chapman was incarcerated, said that Chapman broke down in tears after being told of the parole board reversal. “He asked if he could please stay, he said he would work for free within the prison. When told he could not, under any circumstances voluntarily stay, he broke down and said his life was over,” said corrections officer Alex Jameson.
Chapman is set to be transported to the half-way house on Monday morning.
Early this morning Priscilla Presley, the 69 year-old widow of the one and only Elvis Presley, announced through her publicist, Catherine Rigsby, that she would be re-releasing her autobiography ‘Elvis And Me,’ to include several new chapters and never-before-seen photographs of her and The King.
“Priscilla felt as if she did not fulfill the desires of Elvis Presley fans with the first release of her autobiography ‘Elvis And Me’. After years of consideration, she has decided to re-release the already wonderfully written memoir with added stories and accounts of her life with Elvis.” Rigsby told a room of selected reporters.
In the original ‘Elvis and Me’, released in 1985 and written with ghostwriter Sandra Harmon, she told stories of how Elvis loved taking nude photos of the couple together with a Polaroid camera, many of which were of a pornographic nature. In their press conference this morning, Rigsby also announced that there would, indeed, be several of these “adult oriented” photographs published in the new release of her book.
“Along with a deeper look into their personal lives behind closed doors, [Priscilla] feels that it is the right thing to release these photos to the fans of Elvis Presley,” said Rigsby. “Many of the photographs will be included in a chapter of the book which is named ‘Elvis Didn’t Just Belong To Me, He Belonged To All Women.’ When she got to writing this portion of the book, she felt the only thing to do was to open up to the world and expose all, literally. She is very excited to offer the most loyal fans in the world this amazing opportunity.”
The book, titled ‘Elvis and Me: Exposed’ is slated to hit shelves on December 9th with 5,000 limited edition copies which will include another amazing, sacred gift for Elvis diehards – one free pass to tour the historic Graceland mansion, with VIP access, which includes a very rare opportunity for fans to go up the stairs and into Elvis’s sacred bedroom which has always been off-limits to public tours.
“Presley Enterprises have decided to offer this incredible VIP package for the consumers of the limited edition release of 5,000, which not only includes never before offered VIP access throughout Graceland and Elvis’s bedroom, but these copies of the book will also be bound by a gold-plated hardback cover and individually signed by Priscilla. They will also come with original, 8×10 photos that were signed by Elvis before he died, and uncovered during a recent cleaning of his personal belongings. We know the release of this material is sure to cause some controversy, but the story is finally being told by Priscilla the way she wants the world to hear it, completely uncensored. There will be a book signing tour once the second-edition is released. Release date for the second edition will be one week after the limited edition release date on December 16th.” Rigsby told the press.
Priscilla Presley, who did not attend the press conference, will make several television appearances in the week leading up to the limited-edition release date. There is also talk of the release of an Elvis album, featuring various live performances in 1955 and 1956 which are said to be enhanced to meet optimum listening standards, but official word on the album has not yet been released by Presley’s estate.
